I got a new hire this morning. A lady said she would pay me well to negotiate the release of her beautiful daughter from the fire breathing dragon, up at the dragon’s cave overlooking the pits. I explained to her that the only way to do that is to offer Mr. Dragon something he would like better than her daughter. We need leverage, I told her. “What you got for Mr. Dragon?”
She opened a little plastic box and told me to look inside. I looked. Dentures. Yea, I said, what else you got of interest.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “These are the dragon’s dentures. I slipped them into my purse when I was talking to him about my daughter a few days ago. He must be missing them by now. “
I took off my wire rimmed eye glasses and rubbed my eyes.
“It depends on how bad he wants these,” I told her. “If he wants them more than he wants your daughter I can spring her. “
“I’ll give you a blank check. “
I don’t pass judgment. I look at the bottom line. All else is for the philosophers.
“Done deal. “
I put on my fire proof armor and mounted my trusty steed. The saddle was loose, but I thought it would be OK. A few hours later I was at the foot of the dragon’s cave and peering down the dimly lit hall that sparkled with candle light and reflections of gold and silver artifacts and many ornate works of precious stones. Nice crib, I thought as I entered the hall. A short while later I stood in audience before the fire breathing dragon.
“Hi,” he said. “I’m Timmy. What brings you to my humble abode? “
“Pleased to meet you, Timmy. I am officer Baleen. I am here on official business. “
“I paid that leaf burning fine. I have a receipt. “
He pushed his hideous paw towards me. I took the receipt.
“Looks good but there is one thing. Its not stamped by the clerk. “
“No? I gave it to him. He took it into his office and told me to wait in the lobby. His secretary brought to back and said, ‘You’re good to go. ‘ So I went. Am I going to have to go all the way back to town and pay again? I got connections, ya know. “
“There is something else you can do for me. It is about the fair damsel you have tied to a stake in your torture chamber. Some important people would like her released. . . “
“I got to warn you,” said the dragon. “She doesn’t do windows. And you cannot feed the beansprouts she bakes to the dog because she watches under the table. She dances pretty good, though. “
“You like soft foods? Like beansprouts?”
“Yes, ever since I lost my dentures. I would have bought a new pair but there was that leaf burning fine. “
“Would it be worth the girl to get your dentures?”
“If you can get them soon. My social security check will be direct deposited into my checking account in two weeks. Then I can spring for a new pair of dentures and keep the girl”
” You will not be eating too good until then, right?”
“Bring me the girl. I got your dentures. “
He picked up his cell phone a tapped in a code. An awesome gong sound shimmered throughout the interior. The girl strutted in. Boy, was she decked out.
“Get your bags, honey,” he said to his captive. “I’m letting you go. “
“Are you sure? I have an awesome beansprout casserole in the oven. “
“Come back anytime. My door is always open. “
“I need some cash for the driver,” she complained.
“There’s some costume jewelry in the receiving room. The driver will never know the difference. “
A butler came in the room with ten suitcases. She looked at me and said,”Can you get my bags?”I thought about the blank check and dragged out the suitcases. I set them on a flat cart and tied it to the horse. She had already mounted. Away we went.
When I got her back to her mother I reached into my pocket for my glasses to check the signature on the blank check and found the dentures still in my pocket. I had forgotten to give them to the dragon. But that’s OK. His retirement check will be there in a couple of weeks. Then he can get some good eats.
What did he do for a living before he retired? He was a burger flipper. Now his son owns the business. I hear he is doing well. . .